CARPE DIEM

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Sunday, April 24, 2011

Do you not see how I dislike being repressed and supressed.

Do you not see how I dislike me?

A chain around my neck, having to bottle everything and be perfect.

Be so fucking perfect.

Always.

Every damn time.

Do you not see how I long to cry?

Do you not see how I long to just keep having faith?

To trust?

To love?

Do you not see that sometimes, being who you want me to be, should be good enough.

Why? why must you grab hold of my heart and not let go? why must you not let me be free? why must you keep me in a cage, disabling me from having my own thoughts and opinions? my own feelings?

Why? Why must I keep feeling that something is wrong w me when it is so clearly just our rship thats fucked and not either one of us is at fault?

WHY THE FUCK

shaaaab at { 9:55 PM }

Sunday, April 3, 2011

I think i have a psychological problem :0

I am such an otaku I'm amazed that I've yet decided to start dressing as one and stuff.

guess ego and pride does play a part huh

anyway, i saw a particular style of top that i definitely like. shall go to a seamstress and have it tailored then i guess along with some other dresses i've got in mind.

Oh yes I've set aside a rather small box that can fit a rather substantial amount of notes. heheheheheheheheheheh.

money notes!

no not hell money tsk

It's a special box that cant be opened hua hua hua!

and its for a trip that i made up my mind to go to ;)

i cant wait!

i am touching my hair now and really my sisters have been calling it a fire hazard for quite some time.

need to do a hair mask very soon.

not to mention, a face mask.

my face has been in such a deplorable state, i refuse to look in the mirror.

though to be honest, i dont use mirrors. its a leftover problem from stupid stories told to me regarding spirits and mirrors. ugh.

going off the tangent once again but i need to lose weight.

really.

i hit my very first 46.1kg in my entire life.

thats the heaviest and i am a rather tiny person so i rather not look like a walking dumpling when i go out in public.

studying psychology sucks even with what little knowledge i have cause it means i realise i have so many psychological problems! hahahha.

guess im a wacko afterall huh -_-

reading this post, you'd realise my thoughts are in a muddle.

but truly,

my thoughts are always like this 24/7, 7daysaweek, 365days a year.

rather glad i've not been called bimbotic but i doubt my luck would hold.

Eja darl is coming back from hangon after a year and im so excited to meet her but we shall see how things goes cause im not really sure how my future is mapped out yet.

but im pretty sure that when i've decided, come hell or high water, it'd take a lot to make my will waver.

okay enough ranting. 331am now.

time for some princess diaries marathon!

oh did you know? nowadays, i try not to sleep either. or the earliest time i do sleep now is 6am.